Today is my anniversary, and in honor, I just had the romantic meal of Laughing Cow cheese, crackers, and orange juice. Blah.
I avoided thinking about today for so long that class was over, it was evening, and I didn't make any plans. If I had just planned, I could be out with a friend, but there you have the consequence of poor planning.
Yesterday, I was at my adoptive family's house. It was the very saddest day I have ever been there. I had initially not wanted to go over, because I feel like I have so much homework. I have stayed on top of the memorization, but it seems like the CIEE professors thought that maybe, since we have gotten so proficent, we should double the vocab dished out. AAH! So now I feel like I am behind. However, I was complimented by one of the mean girls today that I am always on top of my game. Another person yesterday says she is so impressed that my Arabic has gotten so good. My conjugations are always correct, and I am almost always understandable. Both of these things make me so happy.
But I had to go to my family's house, even though I had so much homework. Sometimes I can study there, especially if I spend the night, so this made me want to go. I had already committed for the night that the other day, so I packed up my things and went. When I got there, I had no sooner stepped in the door, when When sister 1 asked me if I wanted to walk first, or if I wanted to eat first. I hadn't planned on either, but I managed to hurt my back, so I said we should go walk. As we did, she got out of earshot of her house and made a phone call. I did not understand the call, but she sounded upset. Afterwards, I told her as much, and she said that I had to promise not to tell her family, but she had just broken up with her boyfriend.
She had a boyfriend?
She then proceeded to tell me about this person that she just loves, but that jerks her around emotionally, and that it's a big secret because it is not ok for Muslim women to have boyfriends. When I say boyfriend, I don't mean the PDA that you see of people in love, walking in the park. This is strictly on the phone, where no one could possibly see. It is forbidden for men and women to date, so until he asks her family for marriage, he can not speak to her. So, they've had this ongoing relationship for a year, and yesterday, he said that wanted to be done. I didn't understand everything, since it was all in Arabic, but she deleted his phone number, and had decided it was over. Oh, but how she cried, and cried. And, since it was a secret, she went to her room and asked me to stay in there so she could talk to me.
Little does she know, her sister is going through much the same thing. Different guy, and this one is already married, so she's hoping to be wife number two. They've had a facebook relationship for 2 years. The family knows him, but until he also asks for marriage, she also can not talk to him.
Both of these women are so dear to me, and their culture has them so emotionally isolated. They don't feel like they can even talk to each other. Sister 1 has one other friend, but then that's it. She's in this agony and can not use her support network to help her through this. She must be alone. Sister 2 has a similar story. Her story has not yet gone bad, but since she's been pushing the guy to make more of a commitment I worry that this will be her struggle soon too.
There's so many things which I love about this culture. This is not one of them. I hate this. These women do not deserve to be captive in a house, unable to seek relief of their pain. It feels like in relationships, men have all the power. The women are just on display, just part of the window shopping.
I avoided thinking about today for so long that class was over, it was evening, and I didn't make any plans. If I had just planned, I could be out with a friend, but there you have the consequence of poor planning.
Yesterday, I was at my adoptive family's house. It was the very saddest day I have ever been there. I had initially not wanted to go over, because I feel like I have so much homework. I have stayed on top of the memorization, but it seems like the CIEE professors thought that maybe, since we have gotten so proficent, we should double the vocab dished out. AAH! So now I feel like I am behind. However, I was complimented by one of the mean girls today that I am always on top of my game. Another person yesterday says she is so impressed that my Arabic has gotten so good. My conjugations are always correct, and I am almost always understandable. Both of these things make me so happy.
But I had to go to my family's house, even though I had so much homework. Sometimes I can study there, especially if I spend the night, so this made me want to go. I had already committed for the night that the other day, so I packed up my things and went. When I got there, I had no sooner stepped in the door, when When sister 1 asked me if I wanted to walk first, or if I wanted to eat first. I hadn't planned on either, but I managed to hurt my back, so I said we should go walk. As we did, she got out of earshot of her house and made a phone call. I did not understand the call, but she sounded upset. Afterwards, I told her as much, and she said that I had to promise not to tell her family, but she had just broken up with her boyfriend.
She had a boyfriend?
She then proceeded to tell me about this person that she just loves, but that jerks her around emotionally, and that it's a big secret because it is not ok for Muslim women to have boyfriends. When I say boyfriend, I don't mean the PDA that you see of people in love, walking in the park. This is strictly on the phone, where no one could possibly see. It is forbidden for men and women to date, so until he asks her family for marriage, he can not speak to her. So, they've had this ongoing relationship for a year, and yesterday, he said that wanted to be done. I didn't understand everything, since it was all in Arabic, but she deleted his phone number, and had decided it was over. Oh, but how she cried, and cried. And, since it was a secret, she went to her room and asked me to stay in there so she could talk to me.
Little does she know, her sister is going through much the same thing. Different guy, and this one is already married, so she's hoping to be wife number two. They've had a facebook relationship for 2 years. The family knows him, but until he also asks for marriage, she also can not talk to him.
Both of these women are so dear to me, and their culture has them so emotionally isolated. They don't feel like they can even talk to each other. Sister 1 has one other friend, but then that's it. She's in this agony and can not use her support network to help her through this. She must be alone. Sister 2 has a similar story. Her story has not yet gone bad, but since she's been pushing the guy to make more of a commitment I worry that this will be her struggle soon too.
There's so many things which I love about this culture. This is not one of them. I hate this. These women do not deserve to be captive in a house, unable to seek relief of their pain. It feels like in relationships, men have all the power. The women are just on display, just part of the window shopping.
so what are the characteristics of this culture do you love?
ReplyDeleteI love that family is more important than life. They are so committed to each other. And since they have adopted me, that includes me. I love that it is "haram," or forbidden, to be angry all the time, or depressed all the time. They always put their best foot forward, even if they feel like crap. They are so optimistic; trying to always see the most positive side of life. I've not met any that were habitual negative people, nor any who were not completely committed to all of their family.
ReplyDelete