Packed and ready to go!

I'm packed.  That by itself was quite a journey, but it's finally done.

I got scholarship money in the bank...I'm not going to starve.

My bank has been notified that I'm leaving the country.

I've said goodbye to my family, and am watching movies with my kids as the hour count down continues.  As it sits, we are T-15 hours.

I'm starting to get excited.

This time tomorrow, I'll be on the long leg of my flight to Dubai.  And, I'll have popped an Ambien to start shifting my sleep schedule. 




Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Emotional expenses of study abroad - part 1

Some of the college kids in my program are posting on our Facebook page about how they are counting down the days, or have already left to do some site seeing before the beginning of class.  They are saying happy good-byes and are eagerly awaiting the future, contemplating additional travel to places such as Syria,
Afghanistan, and Iraq.

Ah, to be young.

It's not like that for the non-traditional student.

I think as single parent, study abroad is pretty obviously out as an option.  However, even as a married person, or a married person with children, it's most likely also out.  Why?

There are far greater expenses than just what applies to our every depreciating dollar bill.

Before committing to a study abroad program, one huge question is, "can your marriage live through it?"  It's really easy to be sure that this is going to be the least of your problems.  Most married people are confident that they love their partner, and are committed for life, and so geographical location is only relevant in the comfortable sense.  Before undertaking this, the marriage really has to be evaluated.  It will be incredibly difficult for you, but also for your partner, especially if there are children involved.

We made ourselves a list of things which were going to impact my husband.  He gets to have all the financial responsibilities without any of the acquired benefit of my institutional experience.  With a 65% divorce rate these days, it makes logical sense that it is less than a 50/50 chance that we will beat the odds and he'll reap the rewards of my improved employment situation, and yet is willing to go though this year long struggle anyway.  For this reason, he's dubbed Senior Saint.

On the list of Senior Saint's responsibilities is 100% child rearing responsibilities.  Most families have a dynamic where dad has a smaller roll in the rearing of children.  In our case, he has been the bread winner for the majority of our marriage, and I have been the primary care giver.  For the past almost 14 years, I have known what the homework status is for each kid, every day, shared countless emails with teachers, known who was responsible for what chore on what days, and how to mitigate the too frequent fights which a houseful of boys can create.  Additionally, I physically pay all the bills, knowing what they are, when they are due, what the account numbers, username and passwords are, and still have found time to study and get the kind of grades that result in scholarships.  Each of our kids has had a date with mom once a month for one one one time, and I ensure that each of the kids, once a week, has a date with dad to get extra time with him since he works.

And now I'll stop.  The end.  Gone.

Senior Saint now has to be someone else; or rather he has to become two someones.  We'll cover the impact on the kids next time, but today, the spouse is the issue.

From the other gender point of view, I have to imagine if Senior Saint was the one leaving and I was left behind.  I have never been good at making money.  I'm not sure how we'd eat.  That is the hugest responsibility.  All the love in the world does not make for a full tummy.  I'm not sure how I'd do that.  And, I don't know how I'd find time to be mom, if I was so busy being dad.  Single parents amaze me -- I don't know how they do what they do.

This all being the case, our solution is to get another adult in the home.  Our situation may not work for everyone, but we have a close friend who will come live here and help out with the kids.  This will allow for a reduction of single parent status for Senior Saint.  However, I don't think that it will be enough to be able to say this will suddenly be a cake walk.

The biggest lesson here is to remember that Senior Saint can not be me, even if I left him detailed explanations of what should be done when and how to stay on top of it all.  It took me 14 years to master motherhood, which is really another word for professional level multitasking.  I can do so much because I've had a lot of practice.  A year is enough time for Senior Saint to achieve a good rhythm, but by the time things get smooth, I'll already be back, and I'd rather just step back into that role of motherhood, thank you very much.

The lesson?  Leave room for mistakes and screw ups.  It's OK if things don't work out just how I'd like them, and keep in mind, your spouse is going to be going through his own emotional depression and stress as a result of your absence.  Make room for that, and still try to do what you can to make it easier on him.

Proactively, something I've already gotten in place.

In our family, all the kids have a computer, so I have already set up the chore rotation on Google calendar so there is never any question of what chore is assigned to who and when.  I have shared this calendar with all the kids and adults, so it makes life easier.  I have added Senior Saint's schedule as well, so the kids know when they can even ask to do additional activities, such as going to a friend's house.  Our friend is coming to live rent free, with the understanding that he will be here 3 of the 5 work days, and Saturday through the afternoon.  This relieves Senior Saint of worrying about kids burning the house down around their ears, and allows for more opportunities for those kids to be able to do what they want to do with friends.  Communication through everyone,  including for the purposes of parent teacher conferences, can be facilitated with Skype and Google talk.  So, even from 5500 miles away, I can help parent, and Senior Saint is not completely alone.

After all, marriage is a partnership, and it's my responsibility too to work with him, and not leave him to be alone.  I think we call that divorce, not study abroad.  I can chase my future, while still l still live my dream.

Scholarship - Part 2

Yes, he needs to eat too.  He's almost as tall as my 9 year old, so it's spendy.

To pay for my study abroad, I applied for 67 different scholarships.

Let that roll around in your brain for a minute.

As one of my Arabic classmates told me on the train home from school last spring semester, "I hope you walk away from this with like $100k."  Hey, me too!  I applied for so many scholarships because I do not have anyone but myself to help me through college.  My husband has three mouths to feed and shelter, and therefore I did not want to be a burden to him.  The mortgage would still need to be paid, and the dogs needed to be fed, even if I was not here to help out with one ounce of what I left behind.  So...I researched and wrote essays...a lot.

I didn't really think I'd get everything paid for, but I certainly did try.  There's a lot to pay for in running two households a world apart, and after thinking it all through, I'm probably going to be horrified when I realize I didn't consider some crucial detail.  It's going to sneak up on us with some serious consequence, and I'll kick myself.  My next year has been the last year's word problem about budget, and let's face it; no one likes word problems.



At the end of my scholarship ride, I did end up with quite a chunk of change, but the much of that money came from smaller scholarships. My one big fish was great, but I got more out of my smaller scholarships.

When I threw study abroad and scholarship into a simple Google search, there weren't a ton of obvious results.  Boren and Gilman came up, of course, but other than the big fish in the sea, I knew that it was important to search for a  few minnows to take up the slack.

The obvious places to look include your financial aid office, and the departments that house your major.  The University of Utah has put together a searchable database of scholarship opportunities.  If you're lucky, your institution has done this as well.  By the time my university had this database up and running early spring semester, I had located about half of the need based scholarships on my own.  Many required essays, but not all, and they were not difficult to complete.  So, I was able to apply for all of those fairly easily.

There are other possible scholarship locations to consider as well.  Let me just say that I really do think it's highly unfair that by offering scholarships that are minority only, gender only, or orientation only, you can not help but discriminate against the people left out of that loop.  This means, for the most part, white males.  It seems unfair that their need is less important and therefore unmet, even though they were born with no more of a silver spoon then the next guy of color.  But, since that is how the world currently works, I have chosen to work with the system.  My kids look as Anglo as they come, but their father is Cuban.  Therefore, I have them listed at school as of Hispanic decent, so one day, they will be able to apply to Latino Scholarships.  It's not their fault that they were born white-ish into a family without much money.  In this frame of mind, I went to the Women's Center at my university.  Here, they had a few scholarships for people who were parents, and others for women.

I was directed to the Women's Center by my Middle Eastern Studies adviser.  She also suggested that I go to the Political Science department, and ask about their Honor Society Scholarship.  Your study abroad office likely also has places to apply.

The last place to consider is the vehicle of your study abroad.  My organization has several to offer, and I did get one from them as well.  This applies strictly to a reduced tuition, but I'll take what I can get.

The final note on this is that if you want it bad enough, then you'll find a way.  Before even leaving, we have sacrificed so much, and the value of this experience warrants the further sacrifice for the year to come.

Scholarship - part one

Part of the purpose of this blog is not just to chronicle my adventures overseas, but also to be a resource for the people who come after me.  Study abroad, for the traditional student, has been blogged to death, and there are plenty of resources out there for those willing to enter a simple search string into Google.  For the non-traditional student, however, study abroad is a whole different beast.  I was lucky enough to receive the Gilman scholarship, and part of the conditions of acceptance is to do a service project after trip.  I am putting together the list of scholarships I found that applied to me, and making it accessible on the web via this blog.

The first thing about funding which no one tells you is that just because your study abroad costs more, it does not mean that you will then be awarded more student loans.  This came as quite a shock to me.  When I went to the community college for my associates, tuition was half what it is at my 4 year institution.  The amount given by the federal government is contingent upon tuition costs and living expenses in the area of residence.  I assumed with a study abroad it would work the same.  Because my award amount increased as I went to a more expensive university, I assumed the same would happen for my study abroad.  Turns out, I was wrong, and it's even worse than that.

My tuition at the University of Utah is in-state tuition.  The total amount offered, which would supposedly include my books, housing, and living expenses as well, is about 5k short of what I need just for tuition at my foreign institution.  For the single person with no responsibilities, this is a hefty amount, but doable with some saving and working.  However, for the student with a family left behind, and therefore two households to support, it's like getting divorced, and suddenly there's just not enough money to go around.  For those who've been through divorce, you know just what I'm talking about.  For those who haven't, hope that you never do.  It's 10 flavors of horror.  

To make matters worse, and scholarship money you get reduces your loan amount, so the sum total of dollar bills flowing to your tuition bill, regardless of the source, does not increase.  In some ways, at least immediately, you're no better off after the nightmare of the scholarship experience then you were when you just filed your FAFSA and had a financial aid office define what your education should cost you.

But, debt has to be paid back, and scholarships do not.  No one can go to school on their own, even if their parents aren't helping.  Scholarships are handouts, even if they are deserved.  So, I went to work.

I applied for 67 different scholarships over the course of almost a year.  I researched every topic and website I could imagine, and talked with endless numbers of people including other students and advisers.  It took me months to compile all the places I could apply, and then more time to write for them, all while maintaining a 16 credit load schedule.  Today, I'll talk about the two biggest study abroad scholarships I applied for.

First, there was the Boren Scholarship.  Boren is a behemoth of a scholarship, with an award to the tune of a 20k+, depending on expenses claimed.  This, almost, would pay for my program all by itself.  This scholarship is geared to people who are seeking language proficiency in a critical language.  My language is Arabic, so I met that criteria.  It also is an intensive essay writing experience, with a suggested 12-15 drafts before you can feel like you're essay MIGHT be polished enough to get you in the door.  In the spring, if you make it past the first round, you are asked for a budget update.  I did not get such an email.  I knew early on that I would not be getting this scholarship.  

I spent 4 months writing mine two page essay, had 3 stellar letters of reference, with a career goal in line with what the state department was looking for.  After all that, I did not get this one.  It did, however, write a killer essay that only needed a few tweaks to work for other scholarships.

The second scholarship is the Gilman Scholarship.  This one is a 5k scholarship, with a 3k bonus for those seeking proficiency in a critical language.  I wrote my essay for this scholarship while I was working on Boren.  I will be the first to admit that it was almost an afterthought, since I was sure I'd get Boren.  I felt like I was such a perfect match for Boren, but I'd apply for Gilman just in case.  It turned out that I did get the entire 8k for this scholarship.  Since it was almost an after thought, as the months passed I had forgotten about this scholarship almost completely.  I had also already been rejected for Boren, and assumed, since they were so similar, that I would not get Gilman either.  I got the email on my phone over dinner, and could not even eat, I was so happy.  My to-go box was almost entirely full of food as I went about facebooking and texting family about my good fortune while my husband drove me home.  

The lesson?  Gilman is not an afterthought.  It is a serious chunk of change and I feel very lucky to have gotten it.  Furthermore, any scholarship, no matter how small, is worth the effort since it's that much less debt to pile on.  I'm really glad I had been so thorough applying for other scholarships, since this was not the end of my good fortune.

After receiving acceptance notification about the scholarships, there are meetings and criteria you still have to meet.  I am unfamiliar with the Boren requirements, but Gilman had you submit a bunch of additional information.  It's almost like hey here's some money, but there's a bunch more hoops, so maybe you won't get it after all.  I think losing something I almost had was more stress than writing the original application in the first place.  My paper work was accepted, and all was well.  This was just one of the roller coaster rides I went on with the funding process.

Tomorrow I'll talk about smaller scholarships, and places to look you might not have thought about.

11 days...?!?!

I'm not sure how this happened, but somehow, I went from fall semester and a year before I leave my family, to eleven days. We went from abstract idea to really fricking real in what seems like overnight.


Since I am not a traditional student, many have assumed this would be an impossible goal...mothers don't leave their children, and if they do, it certainly isn't for more than a few weeks unless they are made to. A good mother would never CHOOSE to walk away from her children. What kind of mother does that? And if you did leave, how in god's name would you pay for it? Study abroad, even to a country where their currency is worth less than the dollar, is really expensive. Sadly, that is not the case in many countries as the value of the dollar continues to fall. Jordan is no exception, and it's doubly expensive. How is this possible? 


Well, let's answer that first question...my kids will be without me physically for some time, but thank you Vice-President Gore for that little internet invention. Skype and Google talk, as well as my big brother cameras in my house will keep me connected to what is going on in their lives, and let me parent some from around the globe. Additionally, I am not a single parent. I lucked out and married a saint, and so they do have their dad as well. We have extended family to also help fill that gap. I have invited a friend to live rent free in my house, in exchange for an adult body here to ensure the kids don't burn the house down. My leaving, for my kids, will be difficult now, but will reward them in the long run. I am not forced to leave for the noble cause of fighting for my country. Instead, I am leaving for the noble cause of providing a far better life for my children and my grand children down the road. I am leaving because language is what I'm good at and this is the way to master it. This tool will give them what I want for them.

But God it's hard.

 I've read Facebook posts of my classmates talking only about their excitement for this new adventure, without the heartache of leaving behind an entire identity. They start out this journey as young kids, discovering life as students. That, this early in their lives, is the sum general total of who they are. Sure, they'll miss their family, but they have not built a life of responsibilities that they are aching over leaving. I wish I'd been smart like them. I have a cousin who's child sagely, and with not just a little accusation, inform her mother she'd never do school after she had kids. Good girl. Hope you follow through, because this is so hard.

So, while I have gotten almost all of my main preparations ready to go, I will never be ready to happily hop on a plane. The weepy gloom that descended on my house within the last month reminds me daily that I am leaving the biggest part of me behind, and I'm hoping it will be the same when I get back. I am going to miss these people so much that this is the main, overwhelming challenge of my study abroad. The studying, and the unfamiliarity of language and culture is child's play compared to the agony of leaving my heart in Utah. 


The other part of this frightening equation is finances. I have a good GPA, and am tenacious woman, and am good writer. These things have combined to give me considerable scholarship money. Other than needing to eat, everything is paid for. My husband will still be responsible for all things here, and from a commission only standpoint, that is a considerable bit of pressure. This, compounded with his heart leaving to the Middle East, makes him under quite a bit of stress. What kind of a man does this? I saint I say. How did I get so lucky?


 So, as I start packing this week, know that we have both said countless times in the last few weeks how much I wish I was not going. I wish there was any other way in the world to get the education I need. But since there is not, I'll just pack it up in a box and stick it on a shelf in the back of my head. I have heard more how brave I am over the last two weeks than I have my entire life. I don't know if I'm brave or not. I don't feel brave. I feel like a frightened little girl that is going out into the big bad world completely alone. I've never done this before. I just hope that the universe continues to set up just the right circumstances to make this possible without any more pain than necessary. I hope I can keep my mind above the misery, and appreciate this new people that I already have grown to love by the few who live here among us, and remember that this is an adventure.