Thursday, October 11, 2012

Roller coaster....

Have had that song bouncing around in my head all morning.  The day before yesterday, I woke up to the email that there was no more money, and I should look into other scholarships.  Of course, I can not do this, since I've already covered all my bases, and there's nothing left to apply for.  I planned on not coming back, so I did my best to make peace with that.

This morning, I woke up and called my husband.  No one was home, and today he brought my kids to work, so I was not going to get to Skype anyone.  When I called, the first thing out of his mouth was did I check my email.  He'd been in my email, and said there was something about possible funds to keep me here.  So, I saw the email, and maybe I will stay after all.  It won't cover all my shortage of funds, and I don't know exactly how much it will cover.  But, now the question mark is back in my head.

I'm so frustrated.  I had made peace with going home, and had a back up plan to ensure I continued to work on language.  I knew it would not be as good as just staying here, but I was happy with the fact I could go home and be with my family.

Now that I might be able to stay, I'm so depressed!  It would be completely irresponsible of me to not come back if I can.  I would likely move to the J family's house, and would really come back with some decent proficiency.

The up and down emotion, as well as the somewhat sudden change in the seasons here has gotten me in that place where I constantly feel like I'm about to get a migraine.  I'm trying to fight it off with plenty of sleep, and my husband's suggestion of meditation, but it's really difficult to concentrate, let alone fight off what is always a big problem for me every spring and fall.  It's gotten cold enough that I am going to have to either ask my landlord for another blanket, or how to turn on my furnace.  I'd rather sleep in a cold room with an additional blanket than turn on the heat, so hopefully I'll be able to get the blanket option.

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