Yesterday, I went to a Muslim wedding. I have known about it for over a month, and yesterday was one of those emotional roller coaster days. I did not feel like going at all. Lucky for me, my sister from the J family insisted I go, and would not let me off the phone until I renegged on my cancellation. So...I went.
When I got to the J Family's house, Grandma T was in agony. She had back surgery ten years ago, and she did not ever walk again after that. She lays in bed all day, and has severe sciatica. Additionally, she also has this bizarre bloating on the side of her body, and I don't know what that's about, but it hurts. So, when I got there, it was not pretty. Grandma T's daughters asked if I could give a shot. Well, it's just in the hip, so of course I can. They went to the pharmacy to get some type of medication, and I tried to eat. It was really difficult to do so though, while I listened to this sweetest of old women whimper in the other room. When she's in that much pain, I can't do anything for her. Touching her just makes it worse.
When the drugs arrived, their maid and I got her ready. She was crying she hurt so bad, and I tried to get the other sisters to watch so they could see how easy it was. They wouldn't! They said they were too afraid of the needle, and I just wanted to shake them and tell them to get over it...their mother was in too much pain for them to be babies about this. But, they insisted they could call someone from the hospital if I was not there. Thank god they have money...if they were poor, poor Grandma T would probably just suffer.
A little bit later, she was in far less pain, and we started getting ready to go to the wedding.
They are very different from what I'm used to. Weddings in Utah are boring. They do not have dancing and are very formal. This was the opposite.
So first off...they have a line...but the bride is not part of it. It's just a line of her bridesmaids. It is a very short experience, so they don't just stand around all day. They had tables with center pieces everywhere, and since this family wanted me to have the most educational experience possible, they passed me around a million cousins. Eventually, I sat, and they started a slide show of the bride and groom, and their individual childhoods. Then there were pictures of their engagement. Shortly after that, the bride and groom entered. It was a wedding march, but of course much grander then I am used to with great big timpani booms.
I was surprised to see all the women who were wearing barely nothing. Then my J sister pointed out that there was not one man in the room. I am not too observant, I suppose, so that explained the scantily clad women. There was even a big pregnant woman who was showing tons of skin. They also, evidently, are by marriage, the groom's sisters. So, he can see all the nakedness too.
This party got going after that. I might be a little deafer today then I was yesterday; the music was really, really loud. All the dancing was fun too. The bride was truly so in love with her her new husband. They were adorable. They had the cake cutting, but instead of doing it with a knife, they do it with a giant sword. They also have a first dance, but they have fireworks on the floor. I don't think I've ever seen that indoors before. Seems like a bad idea!
At the end of the night, the bride and groom left. They had done the man version of the party before this party, and so now they could go... consummate, I'm told. The bride, who's hair was done up beautifully in a tiara and curls, was then fitted with what looked like a flour sack over her head. I was really confused at this, and asked why this happened. My J sister said that there might be men outside this room, and no one gets to see the bride like this who is not family, and sporting a y chromosome. I suggested maybe they could cut out eye holes so she could see, but considering that this is not the first wedding, I suppose there is some reason why this is not done.
We then had an interesting conversation about how picking a mate in Islam works. First, there is no dating. She told me it was like having a desert tray out on the street. If it's not all covered up, then it's got flies landing on it, and is too gross to want anything to do with. Instead, you can look, but not have any contact. Then, if you like what you see as a man who is window shopping, then you go with your family to the girl's family, and ask to get married. If they approve, then you're engaged, and now you get to talk. People don't get un-engaged, though. Using the dessert analogy, what if that caramel truffle turns out to be kind of nasty...now you're stuck with it!
It was a touchy subject. Even though this J family sister is very childlike in how she acts, she is older than me by at least 5 years. She is old enough that she may never marry, and talking about this, you could see how much she really wishes she was. The other sister is also unmarried. Their father passed away a long time ago, and I wonder if this is why they've not married. He obviously can not give permission. I can not ask; with how much it is so desired, I think it would make them feel sad. They are the sweetest women...I wish they could have anything that they wanted.
When I got to the J Family's house, Grandma T was in agony. She had back surgery ten years ago, and she did not ever walk again after that. She lays in bed all day, and has severe sciatica. Additionally, she also has this bizarre bloating on the side of her body, and I don't know what that's about, but it hurts. So, when I got there, it was not pretty. Grandma T's daughters asked if I could give a shot. Well, it's just in the hip, so of course I can. They went to the pharmacy to get some type of medication, and I tried to eat. It was really difficult to do so though, while I listened to this sweetest of old women whimper in the other room. When she's in that much pain, I can't do anything for her. Touching her just makes it worse.
When the drugs arrived, their maid and I got her ready. She was crying she hurt so bad, and I tried to get the other sisters to watch so they could see how easy it was. They wouldn't! They said they were too afraid of the needle, and I just wanted to shake them and tell them to get over it...their mother was in too much pain for them to be babies about this. But, they insisted they could call someone from the hospital if I was not there. Thank god they have money...if they were poor, poor Grandma T would probably just suffer.
A little bit later, she was in far less pain, and we started getting ready to go to the wedding.
They are very different from what I'm used to. Weddings in Utah are boring. They do not have dancing and are very formal. This was the opposite.
So first off...they have a line...but the bride is not part of it. It's just a line of her bridesmaids. It is a very short experience, so they don't just stand around all day. They had tables with center pieces everywhere, and since this family wanted me to have the most educational experience possible, they passed me around a million cousins. Eventually, I sat, and they started a slide show of the bride and groom, and their individual childhoods. Then there were pictures of their engagement. Shortly after that, the bride and groom entered. It was a wedding march, but of course much grander then I am used to with great big timpani booms.
I was surprised to see all the women who were wearing barely nothing. Then my J sister pointed out that there was not one man in the room. I am not too observant, I suppose, so that explained the scantily clad women. There was even a big pregnant woman who was showing tons of skin. They also, evidently, are by marriage, the groom's sisters. So, he can see all the nakedness too.
This party got going after that. I might be a little deafer today then I was yesterday; the music was really, really loud. All the dancing was fun too. The bride was truly so in love with her her new husband. They were adorable. They had the cake cutting, but instead of doing it with a knife, they do it with a giant sword. They also have a first dance, but they have fireworks on the floor. I don't think I've ever seen that indoors before. Seems like a bad idea!
At the end of the night, the bride and groom left. They had done the man version of the party before this party, and so now they could go... consummate, I'm told. The bride, who's hair was done up beautifully in a tiara and curls, was then fitted with what looked like a flour sack over her head. I was really confused at this, and asked why this happened. My J sister said that there might be men outside this room, and no one gets to see the bride like this who is not family, and sporting a y chromosome. I suggested maybe they could cut out eye holes so she could see, but considering that this is not the first wedding, I suppose there is some reason why this is not done.
We then had an interesting conversation about how picking a mate in Islam works. First, there is no dating. She told me it was like having a desert tray out on the street. If it's not all covered up, then it's got flies landing on it, and is too gross to want anything to do with. Instead, you can look, but not have any contact. Then, if you like what you see as a man who is window shopping, then you go with your family to the girl's family, and ask to get married. If they approve, then you're engaged, and now you get to talk. People don't get un-engaged, though. Using the dessert analogy, what if that caramel truffle turns out to be kind of nasty...now you're stuck with it!
It was a touchy subject. Even though this J family sister is very childlike in how she acts, she is older than me by at least 5 years. She is old enough that she may never marry, and talking about this, you could see how much she really wishes she was. The other sister is also unmarried. Their father passed away a long time ago, and I wonder if this is why they've not married. He obviously can not give permission. I can not ask; with how much it is so desired, I think it would make them feel sad. They are the sweetest women...I wish they could have anything that they wanted.
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