Thinking about deleting my facebook account

Facebook sucks.  I know, I know.  You can either use the tool, or be the tool, as the saying goes.  But really, it does suck.  Sometimes, back home, I'd read about things, and kind of realize that on Facebook, we tend to not be real people.  Instead of real people, we are like...quarter people.  I'd read just enough to know what was going on in people's lives...although most of the time, I'd read enough to know I really don't have any idea what's going on in people's lives.  And, really, if they were not inclined to just pick up the phone and tell me about it when I was only sitting a few miles away, then really, it's kind of this perverted peeping tom thing of being the anonymous observer of what people put up on their walls.  I'd come to the conclusion that I knew some things, but only little pieces of the "somethings," and this does not constitute a relationship   I know, I'm really slow to come to this realization, but a relationship held completely on Facebook  is not a relationship, especially when people are within an hour's driving distance away.

People also tend to be a little part exhibitionist as well on Facebook   There are things I do not want to know with the rest of the world.  There are personal things which, if shared in a confidential conversation, might be acceptable as information, and I'd listen with empathy.  Information shared as one of the members of the universe, however, makes me feel...well... embarrassed to know.  And then, information not shared at all because it is not public, but then I find out about later...well then I'm really not that kind of friend and should not have been reading about all the precursors to whatever dramatic information is out there!!

Lastly, people don't realize you can't keep secrets on Facebook   They may post half truths, and omit other parts, and then feel confident that no one else knows the motivation of the initial statement.  It simply is not true.  If you know any little bit of the truth, and read a "vague" post, then for sure, you know what's going on.  That's stupid!  What are we, grade school kids?  Maybe passive aggressive junkies?

Now, of course, I live half way around the world.  I'm questioning whether I really want Facebook anymore. I talk to my parents pretty regular, but they don't have Facebook.  We seem to manage fine by talking via Skype or email.  And, it's nice to know they didn't just stumble onto a post and decide to respond.  They actively took an interest and then sent an email, or messaged me on Skype.  I talk to my brother pretty regular too, although he hardly ever posts to Facebook.  He has helped out with my family back home, and eased my homesickness by being my friend, chatting online.  I just love that guy and his wife.  Another cousin makes a point of chatting with me online pretty frequently too.  And...this is not because of a Facebook post.  It just happens.  When I was home, we'd text back and forth a few times a week on a normal basis.  No Facebook necessary.

I don't use it to speak much to people I once was close to.  Recently, since my sleep schedule is different then people back home, I've started to get more emails from friends back home who really want to talk to me.  So far, while I've been here, I've really only used it to point out I have a new blog, maybe post some incidental mentioning, and have a heart wrenching argument.  So, what is the point?

If I really think about it, I think Facebook's real function is to make our disconnected society feel more connected, but does so in such a complicated way that it is simply not worth it.

I've been told that a study abroad will change me.  I have to agree at this point.  I've been living the last 5 weeks in a country where family and close friends really means family.  Where cousins, siblings,  aunts...everyone...talks to each other and is very close.  Comparatively speaking, Americans are very separate as a culture, and we don't make the every day efforts to say hello and be with each other because we simply enjoy the company.  Am I going to come home and expect Utah to transform into Jordan?  No, of course not.  But I will miss the desire, rather than the obligation, to want to spend time with those you hold most dear to your heart. Here, if I've not talked to someone for a couple of days, I get a phone call to say how much I'm missed, would you please come over?  I think that Facebook ends up being a substitute for these kinds of interactions.  People can feel like they interacted with you because they clicked "like" on your post, or made a comment on a picture.  That is not a relationship, no more than sitting next to someone at work and exchanging chit chat once in awhile is much of a relationship.

If I were to pin down a single thing that has changed me most by being here, it's my definition of a relationship.  I think a relationship is defined by two peoples desire to interact on a personal level on a regular basis.  I think without that, you really don't have a relationship, and rather you have an acquaintanceship.  I just don't know that I want to be a voyeur to all my acquaintances I know on Facebook.

Maybe I've grown out of Facebook.

Maybe instead of letting the tool use me, I should be using the tool.  It's good for networking, and I am going to want a job a year from now.  I just guess at that time, I'll need to still have a Facebook   Maybe, though, now, I need to quit going to the website and break this stupid habit.